Home Sweet Home?

The accommodations have been the greatest disappointment thus far. Perhaps this was overly idealistic, but I was expecting something quaint- ancient wooden beans jutting across the ceiling, stone fireplaces, wooden staircases with grooves from centuries of students trudging up to their quarters. Or perhaps something decidedly modern- large windows, centralized heating and standardized room layouts. But alas, it was not to be. My college, St. John’s (a note about the college system to follow), rates the individual accommodations on a scale of A+ to C-. My room rates a C. It looks to be part of a building that is about 100 years old, but was probably renovated in the 1970s, as evidenced by the burnt orange and yellow color scheme.

The room is quite cramped- it barely accommodates the desk, bed, dresser and side chair that are provided as furnishings. I think that if more than two people stop by, I will exceed the maximum occupancy quotas established by the fire marshal. So I guess the parties are going to have to happen elsewhere. The pipes also have an alarming tendency to gurgle and creak. I can only hope that they learn to keep time with my wheezing space heater when winter arrives. A subject of particular ire is the twin mattress. I have noticed a disproportionate amount of elderly men in this town hobbling around with the assistance of a cane and I am beginning to wonder if it might be from a youth spent sleeping on Oxford mattresses- a charitable characterization of a series of springs loosely cushioned with cloth. Also, the English must on a whole be shorter than Americans; that or they are more inclined to sleep in the fetal position, because apparently this country has yet to discover the XL mattresses that allows full grown adults to sleep without their feet hanging off the edge. But I digress…

This rant is not to condemn the housing at St. John’s as a while. My friend Danny has a palatial suite in Garden Quad. I kid you not- it looks like a penthouse. His building was built in the 1990s in the neo-Italiante style and features a charming combination of stonework, pillars, arches and winding staircases. His room has two massive windows, a sprawling window seat, a loft bedchamber and opens onto a balcony. And herein lies the frustration. My room is quite livable but the inherent inequity of the rooms and the arbitrary nature of the assignments grates on egalitarian sensibilities. The good news is that St. John’s pro-rates the rooms based on quality and on the whole, they are all far more affordable than the other colleges, Translation- more money in the travel fund!!